NOT controlling your thoughts and feelings…

Athletes (in fact many people) often talk about trying to control their thoughts and feelings. Interestingly, many people aren’t aware that this is near impossible. There are instances when monitoring thoughts and feeling is essential, like during a major presentation or performance or when having a pivotal conversation. Attempts to control thoughts and feelings on an ongoing basis, however, can be exhausting. It can even be harmful to well-being, relationships and performance.

A healthier approach is learning which intense feelings to sit with, which ones to address, and how to address them effectively.

Some important first may be:

1. exploring the origins of thought patterns,
2. being able to rate the intensity of discomfort and
3. utilising effective relaxation skills when needed are important first steps.

Knowing the origins of the thought and feelings enables a more informed decision about whether they are relevant to the situation at hand or being triggered by circumstances. Because human memories and emotions are so powerful, sometimes feelings and thoughts are more related to a similar past situation than the present. It can be difficult to discern the origins of pertinent thoughts and feelings, but it is very helpful to be able to.

Rating the intensity of discomfort from 1 to 10 with one being no discomfort and ten being nearly unbearable can help determine what to do with intrusive thoughts and feelings. If the discomfort is more than a 6 or 7 it might require action. If lower, perhaps it might be okay to sit with it. Life is rife with discomfort and being okay with discomfort is an essential skill to learn.

Relaxation skills assist with sitting with discomfort and with moving on. Relaxation skills may include mindfulness, abdominal breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, focusing on the 5 senses, listening to peaceful music, using imagery and taking a mindful walk. Its beneficial for an individual to develop a repertoire of relaxation skills that work for them in varied situations. Some people find it difficult to utilise relaxation skills and may benefit from having strategies specifically tailored to their lifestyle, personality, environment, circumstances and strengths.

If it is challenging to determine if thoughts and feelings belong in the present or are being triggered by past experiences, sitting with discomfort is too difficult, finding relaxation strategies that work seems impossible or you would like to learn about more ways to cope with thoughts and feelings, a sport psychologist might be of assistance. Moreover, if past events are being triggered by present circumstances events, it can be very helpful to process these thoughts and feelings with a psychologist.

References:
Z. Vidic; N. P. Cherup. (2021) Take me into the ball game: an examination of a brief psychological skills training and mindfulness-based intervention with baseball players. International Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology Vol. 25.

Rogowska, A. M., & Tataruch, R. (2024). The relationship between mindfulness and athletes’ mental skills may be explained by emotion regulation and self-regulation. BMC Sports Science, Medicine & Rehabilitation, 16, 1-13.